Errors of Man

What you are about to read is real. I'm serious. Cause if I made this up, you would be like, "Can't you come up with something better Tom? I mean really."

I found a note card the other day, it had a list of six items on it and the title was, Errors of Man. This particular list literally blew me away when I first read it. I understand that most of you may have some of these same items on your own list, but some won’t.

This list, written by Unknown, I believe deserves to be heard. I also think that we should try to understand the author as well. But if you feel a spontaneous nose bleed coming on, or lightheadedness, stop reading immediately.

1. Raised in Church

Which church? (The fact that I found this note in Utah County puts the odds at over 80% chance that he was raised a Mormon.) Would he have listed this as his number one if he was raised in a different religion? Maybe, but I doubt it. What if his dad was a General Authority or Bishop who was always gone to meetings, and then came home just to bring the obedience hammer down?

My guess is that he just wanted to sin without guilt. That seems to be the most common reason for people who resent being raised in a church.

1. Raised by a postal worker

Now this particular choice can lead to a common misconception, or stereotype. Did his father or mother take out work frustrations on him? Did they have guns?

Wait, now I’m falling into the stereotype. Pardon me.

Alright, I do believe most postal workers aren’t bad parents. Most are certainly unstable and many are jerks, but necessarily bad parents. That seems like a stretch. So without knowing this guys background, I am going to make some unfair assumptions. I believe that if his postal parent just would have taken out frustrations on the customers, like all the other postal workers do, his childhood would have been much less stressful.

2. Born on Abe Lincoln’s B-Day

Well, this choice seems completely obvious. Alright, this one really threw me for a loop. This is the moment that if you aren’t saying to yourself WTF then I suggest you find someone close to you, preferably with an IQ higher than your score of 58. Have them explain it to you.

3. Married Amber

Amber, huh? I don’t know this woman, but I know lots of woman who don’t treat their husbands right. I have to believe that this woman was selfish. Don’t you think? I mean, if she knew what this guy had gone through in his life so far, she would have bent over backwards to make his life more comfortable. I just can’t believe that a guy who was born on Abe Lincoln’s Birthday could have been at fault in this situation.

She probably even made him fold his underwear. Who folds underwear? Nobody sees it. It goes underneath all your clothes so who cares if it is a little wrinkled? If you want to keep the different colors together, fine, but don’t fold the stupid things. There’s a name for people who fold underwear. It’s called OCD.  It's not freakin normal.  Come on!

4. Sympathy note

This could be anything. Was this a note that he himself wrote? If so, it was probably full of embarrassing emotional crap. What if he actually wrote down that his heart was broken or something like that. Dude… That would make him look like a total pansy. Ugh. Or what if he clearly showed that he wasn’t really a man at all because he mentions that he cried while he wrote the note? Oh man. If he did, I hope he kept his receipts on his jeans so he could trade them in for some pink skirts that match his blouse.

5. Still born on Abe Lincoln’s B-Day

Amazing, isn’t it? Dude is so pissed about being born on Lincoln’s Birthday that he makes sure to mention it twice. What is up with this? Did he hate the guy? Did he hate the fact that Lincoln always stole his thunder on his own birthday? Did his friends give him a black top hat for a birthday present? For the record, I happen to like Abe. I think he is one of the finer US presidents. Why would this guy be so mad that Abe stole his birthday from him? Guess we will never know.

I think everyone should make a list like this, but if you actually consider doing something like this you should be a little more careful about your choices. So what did we learn from all this? Well, we learned that a person can experience regret from being raised in a church, being raised by a postal worker, marrying a selfish(?) woman, writing out your feelings and most importantly, sharing a birthday with Abe Lincoln. The only good thing this guy did on his list was to keeping his name off of the card.

But…I personally want to thank you, Anonymous, for making my day.