Can I borrow a towel?

The following story is a true story containing real events. The persons named in this story have NOT been changed. I repeat, this REALLY happened. Dude…I'm not even joking.

Brian the mailman was delivering his route like any other day. It was a nice warm, but cloudy afternoon and Brian was delivering a street that required him to walk to each house. The area he was delivering at was approximately 1.5 miles from his own home. While delivering Brian began to notice that something was wrong, very wrong. What could be wrong you ask? Deliver the wrong mail to the wrong house you may ask? Nope.

Well he began to feel sick, really sick. He began to panic...as one might do when they realize trouble is at hand. Apparently pressure began to build, intense pressure, the kind of pressure that isn't just in one isolated area. To this day no one really knows what was going through his mind at this point so all we have is the evidence of what happened. The evidence shows that what he did was try to continue to deliver his route with this increasing pressure. Well it wasn't long before he realized that he needed to do something and something quick. We have no evidence of him even attempting to drive to the nearest bathroom, or even to his own home in fact. What did he do then you ask? Well it seems that he opted to use the bathroom in his pants and puke down the front of his shirt.

What he did next is telling. Evidence shows us that he laid himself down on someone’s front yard and rolled around a bit, I assume in either pain or embarrassment, maybe? He then called his postal supervisor and said that he needed help and a change of clothes. Before the supervisor came, Brian got up and knocked on the door of the house and asked the resident if he could borrow a towel. They did in fact give him a towel. So it seems that he did in fact find no embarrassment whatsoever in the act of simply asking a random stranger for a towel while soiled in one’s own poop and vomit. There is a lack of evidence as to the reaction of the residents, but I'm sure it's not too difficult to imagine.

Where is his dignity you ask? What I can make of the situation, his dignity was gone as soon as he made the decision to release into his pants, but it could have been much sooner than that, only God really knows.

The supervisor finally came to get an eye and nose full of the incident. The supervisor pulled out a extra rain jacket and laid it on the back seat so the 'victim' could sit in his car. He then drove Brian to his home and let him stay home for the remainder of the day.

Moral of the story: When you feel immense pressure to either throw up or from a bad case of diarrhea, move your butt immediately to the nearest bathroom and more importantly, don't poo your pants. And for heaven sakes, don't ask a random stranger for a towel to clean yourself!